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The Epiphany

January 17, 2012 Leave a comment

In 1993 I met my future husband and I cleaned up my act. He demanded it and he was worth it. However, even knowing that it would end my relationship, it was so hard not cheating that sometimes I only avoided it by shit luck. I eventually worked the werewolf out of my system, but the rages and the mood swings were still there. I still had hallucinations and strange ideas (like thinking god told me to find the secret code in all the license plates I saw while driving from Toronto to Montreal).

In the fall of 2001, I was reading about Schizophrenia in Wikipedia and it was so vague that I didn’t make any connection to myself. Then I read about Schizoaffective Disorder and it was unsettlingly familiar. So was Bipolar Disorder, and so was Schizoid Disorder. Obviously one of these applied to me. I settled on bipolar. I had one night of weeping and self-pity.

The next morning I thought to myself “thank god I’m not crazy; I just have bipolar!”.