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A Scary Few Psychotic Moments

October 31, 2011 Leave a comment

A few weeks ago I was at work typing on my computer and suddenly I realized that there was a voice beside me criticizing everything I wrote. I knew right away that it was a hallucination and that it was the first one that had ever said more than a single word to me. I knew I was hypomanic (although probably manic at this point) and I was feeling pretty good about things, yet this voice was really negative. Soon, part of me was feeling negative too (though most of me was still positive). The whole thing lasted for a few minutes.

After that, I kept typing. Then suddenly I was God and every key I pressed was changing the fate of the world. Again, I knew this was me being manic so I tried to ignore it (I really had to get my work done).

Finally, I got the document finished and I had to leave the office and go to a meeting. Since I was the last person there, I had to run around and close all the doors. Once again I was God and every door I closed carried with it the fate of the world. I was sealing away cosmic secrets.

I finally got to the meeting feeling pretty self-important, so I really had to watch myself. I just stuck to the script. Luckily within a few minutes I was back to my old self and I stayed that way.

I wasn’t scared while the incident was happening. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been so self-aware while psychotic before. Upon reflection it is scary, however, because I’ve never had a voice talk directly to me for more than a single word before.

I guess the other worrying aspect of this is that I am on meds and I take them religiously.

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