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Posts Tagged ‘mania’

Excellent Webcomic About Mania

January 9, 2014 Leave a comment

Excellent Webcomic About Mania

Look Straight Ahead is an excellent webcomic about mania. It’s the truest depiction (from my point of view) that I’ve ever seen. Strictly speaking a lot of non-visual things have been translated into the visual medium so that they can be comprehended by readers (I think, anyway). If you’re willing to accept that a lot of it is not literal, however, I think the comic offers excellent insight.

I bought a copy of the graphic novel version on Amazon (it’s virtually sold-out) and I’d love to buy copies for everyone I know and say “This is it. This is mostly what it’s like”.

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Categories: bipolar Tags: , ,

A Scary Few Psychotic Moments

October 31, 2011 Leave a comment

A few weeks ago I was at work typing on my computer and suddenly I realized that there was a voice beside me criticizing everything I wrote. I knew right away that it was a hallucination and that it was the first one that had ever said more than a single word to me. I knew I was hypomanic (although probably manic at this point) and I was feeling pretty good about things, yet this voice was really negative. Soon, part of me was feeling negative too (though most of me was still positive). The whole thing lasted for a few minutes.

After that, I kept typing. Then suddenly I was God and every key I pressed was changing the fate of the world. Again, I knew this was me being manic so I tried to ignore it (I really had to get my work done).

Finally, I got the document finished and I had to leave the office and go to a meeting. Since I was the last person there, I had to run around and close all the doors. Once again I was God and every door I closed carried with it the fate of the world. I was sealing away cosmic secrets.

I finally got to the meeting feeling pretty self-important, so I really had to watch myself. I just stuck to the script. Luckily within a few minutes I was back to my old self and I stayed that way.

I wasn’t scared while the incident was happening. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been so self-aware while psychotic before. Upon reflection it is scary, however, because I’ve never had a voice talk directly to me for more than a single word before.

I guess the other worrying aspect of this is that I am on meds and I take them religiously.

Bipolar vocabulary

April 17, 2011 Leave a comment

There’s a different vocabulary when you’re talking about bipolar.

Mood: normally when people talk about mood it’s to say things like “I’m in the mood for Chinese food tonight”. Even when someone says “I’m in a bad mood” what they may just be saying is “I’m dissatissified with something”. With bipolar people a mood could be something like “I’m in the mood to kill myself” or “I’m in the mood to reveal to the world that I’m Jesus”. When I talk to ordinary people about being bipolar they often fail to see that bipolar moods are far more extreme and consequential than normal ones.

High: my doctor and I speak of my mood as being high or low. He’ll ask me if I’m high, and it has nothing to do with drugs. It’s about my mood. When I’m high I sleep a lot less (3-5h), I have an increased sex drive, I want to buy stuff, I have a lot of creative ideas, and I’m a lot more reckless and aggressive. When I’m under a lot of stress I get very optimistic. Keep in mind that I’m on meds that control about 90% of my symptoms so I don’t have to experience the bad stuff (delusions of grandeur, profoundly reckless behaviour, racing thoughts, psychosis).

Low: when I’m low I need to sleep at least 8h per day (plus a nap), I have no sex drive, I have a hard time thinking at all, I’m very passive and I’ll do anything to avoid conflict. When I’m under a lot of stress I feel deep despair. Once again, the meds keep me from experiencing the bad stuff (paranoia, profoundly impaired thinking, hallucinations, self-harm, suicidal thinking).

Mixed mood: high and low at the same time. No one talks about this one much because it’s scary but this is why bipolar people need to take their meds. For me it means being aggressive, thinking I can do anything, having low self worth, and being in a very bad mood. The meds knock this down to a period of mostly harmless simmering resentment, which is fine by me.

Categories: bipolar Tags: , ,