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Posts Tagged ‘hypomania’

Re-evaluating Things a Bit…

March 29, 2014 3 comments

I think I’m going to need to manage my expectations about my illness differently.

From one perspective I’m very lucky. My lows and highs used to be very extreme and both of them made me pretty dysfunctional. That’s not remarkable, but it’s not pleasant.

Since I’ve been on decent meds the extremes have levelled out and I’ve been able to live a mostly normal life, however saying that things are completely normal is still wishful thinking. I noticed this fact this week when my brain tipped over from low to high (it is a gradual process).

I am a computer programmer and for months I have been having a lot of difficulty at work. I’ve been making all the usual excuses, telling myself I’m a procrastinator, that I’m just bored, that other people are making my work difficult, and so on. Even my psychiatrist told me what I needed was a good kick in the backside.

Then my brain switched into high mode and suddenly how to do all my jobs became so clear and I started working my way through them. I saw my excuses for what they were. It was my brain that was still impaired.

Don’t get me wrong: my meds deal with the worst of my symptoms. However they are not 100% effective, either.

I suppose I need to look at adjusting my meds, which is a scary thing because they do work very well. I certainly don’t want to become less functional again. Still the way things stand when I’m low things at work are pretty hard, so something has to change. No more wishful thinking.

I Need Less Sleep These Days…

February 22, 2014 1 comment

I got up this morning at 4:30 because I was done sleeping, had a coffee, and worked on my household budget for a few hours. I guess I am done needing a lot of sleep for a while. To me, it’s like having a super power. I’ll enjoy it while it lasts because it never does last.

Some day (too soon) I’ll be back to needing eight or more hours of sleep, plus naps.

That’s one thing about being bipolar: no condition lasts for long except for the constant cycle between high and low. Even with effective meds I find some of the symptoms always creep through.

Categories: bipolar Tags: , , , ,

Losing my Job (and Lactose for the Last Time)

June 1, 2013 1 comment

Wow, I’m writing again!

Just an update. I was told at work that I’m being given my six-weeks’ notice on September 1st. My boss said that I’m smart, but the time it took me to get my work done was “retarded”. He said I wasn’t the person he hired. Of course when he hired me I was high and I would get up at 3am every night and work, and I’ve been mostly normal or low ever since. He also said I needed to get my meds changed because I was a spaced out all the time.

To be honest, I probably deserve to be let go. Also, I really don’t like working at this place, so it’s a blessing in disguise. Unfortunately it’s scary because I have to find another job and I can’t afford to be even a week without work. I’m one of those people who is one paycheque away from ruin. That’s another story for another time.

In other news, I am back on the normal generic versions of all my meds. I’m off of all the exotic stuff I was taking trying to be lactose free. It turns out it wasn’t the meds that were giving me the problems; it was all the dairy related stuff in my diet despite my best efforts to get rid of it. I found some extra strength lactase enzyme pills (Webber’s) that I take with things that give me trouble, and I’m doing pretty well. Hopefully this is the end of this topic. I know I keep saying that.

Well, I don’t have anything witty or insightful to say right now. I did find a web site that has a pretty witty and insightful look at depression:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ca/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

Status Report #8 (And a Segue into Mood Swings)

March 24, 2012 4 comments

Sorry I haven’t been posting much to the blog, but it’s been hectic the past two weeks at work. I’ve even been bringing work home. I’ve already used up my three sick days for 2012, plus a fourth day (which was unpaid). The problem is I’ll have my OCD nightmares all night, then in the morning I won’t be thinking straight and I’ll call in sick just for a few more hours of sleep. Well, not any more. I can’t afford to lose any more days’ pay.

In other news, I had a bit of a down time in the past few weeks, but it was so mild I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t even sure if it was there. Mostly it has just manifested itself in a greater need for sleep, a decreased need for self-expression, and a decreased need for sex. In the past few days I have noticed less need for sleep, an increase in self-expression, and an increased need for sex. It’s a faster cycle than I am used to. I think I had a downtime at this same time last year, but coincidentally, I had my Modecate injection three weeks ago. I am due for another one on Monday. If I have another dip in my mood, next week I’m really going to wonder about a correlation with the Modecate.

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