Archive for the ‘paranoia’ Category

Police Databases and Stigma

February 16, 2013 1 comment

Christ, just write something already!

According to this (admittedly old) article, if you live in Canada and you have a police report that includes the fact that you have a mental illness, it will be shared with the American Department of Homeland Security. You could be denied entry to the USA until you get a doctor’s note ($250) indicating that you are not a risk to others.

After the horrific events at Sandy Hook, gun enthusiasts were desperate to transfer the blame for the tragedy from easy access to guns to something else. They chose violent video games and the mentally ill. They called for a national database of the mentally ill similar to the one for sex offenders. If such a database ever came to fruition, I don’t think it is much of a stretch to think that getting put into the police database in Canada would eventually find one put into this database as well. Luckily for the moment it is nothing more than a rhetorical smokescreen.

Just a quick aside: I think it’s all too possible to over-simplify the causes of mass-murder. I don’t want to point a finger at any single cause and say that the killer’s mental state was irrelevant. It’s not an either/or situation. However, the vast majority of mentally ill people are harmless, as are the vast majority of legitimate gun owners, and the vast majority of video game enthusiasts. People want easy answers but there are none. Every person is a complex individual with a myriad of factors contributing to make him or her who he or she is.

Back to the main point: it is already true that getting the police involved in your mental illness in Canada can get you stigmatized in the USA. Now add to that the possibility of a national database and it means that the stigma can not only occur at the border, but potentially anywhere in the country. No one wants to live with the fear that a routine traffic stop could turn into a major incident. Furthermore, for many Canadians travel to the USA doesn’t just involve vacations or shopping, but also business trips or visits to family members–that is, trips that are harder to do without. Sometimes it’s not a matter of just staying home.

The result is that some mentally ill Canadians with ties to the USA will be (perhaps should be) motivated to hide their illness from law enforcement on both sides of the border. The national database the NRA and others are talking about is unlikely at the moment, but should it ever become a reality (there will always be more tragedies and people love scapegoats), the motivation to hide just becomes greater. Instead of seeking help, some mentally ill people will suffer in silence and fear.

Luckily the NRA’s database exists only in an uncertain future. Unfortunately the Canada/USA police database exists today.


On Bullsh*t and the Truth

March 25, 2012 3 comments

I’m going out on a limb and writing a post not directly related to being bipolar, except at the end.

I have been reading a short (20 pages) but excellent essay called “On Bullshit” by Harry Frankfurt of Princeton University. You can read it online here. If you’ve made it this far and you’re offended by the uncensored word “bullshit”, then go no farther. If you can look past surface appearances, it is an extremely serious essay.

Frankfurt’s main premise is that liars have a specific agenda of concealing the truth. Bullshitters are different because they are not specifically concerned with the truth. They have their rhetorical agenda, which may be compatible with the truth to a degree, or not. It doesn’t matter. If bullshitters coincidentally tell the truth, or if they coincidentally lie, all that matters is winning the argument.

According to Frankfurt both the liar and the bullshitter deceive us in representing themselves as telling the truth. The difference is that lies are specifically untrue, while bullshit is merely constructed without any particular regard for the truth. It may be false, it may be true, it may even be “truthy”–to borrow from Stephen Colbert. The bullshitter doesn’t care as long as it serves its purpose.

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About My Gravatar

March 17, 2012 Leave a comment

Trav's Right EyeI actually have a Gravatar of my whole face, smiling, and not looking like a psychopath. I don’t want to attach it to this blog because even the facial recognition software on my computer can pick out my face, to say nothing of law enforcement computers. I don’t want to be crossing the border some day, or be going for a job interview, and be asked about this blog. I don’t want to have to censor myself here, either, because if I do then what’s the point of having a blog at all? So I take modest precautions, like never showing my face in public.

The more I look at it, the more I’m not happy with how this Gravatar turned out. My eye is way too intense. That’s because I was concentrating so hard on looking in the right direction (into the camera, not the screen) as I took the picture. I’ll retake the picture in a few days.
By the way, my husband is constantly telling me not to stare at people (and other people have commented as well). Now I can stare at all of you. 🙂

EDIT: I decided I really needed something better, so here is a different Gravatar using my darling departed dog Rou.
EDIT #2: Now that I look at it, that’s Rou suffering from allergies with her eyes all puffed up. No wonder she looks so morose! I can do better!

No Emotions…

February 14, 2012 Leave a comment

I hang out a little bit on a message board for young gay men, hoping to provide an example of a moderately successful and happy married gay man who is also bipolar. Mostly no one is interested, which is fine, but the other day I got a message from a young woman asking how I deal with not having any emotions. I do have to deal with that issue fairly regularly, but the story goes deeper.

First of all, I’m lucky being bipolar. Nothing ever stays the same. This month, I’ll be emotionless; next month I’ll be alternately laughing hysterically or raging at everything. If you have to have an illness it really is a blessing not to be stuck with the same stuff day-after-day for too long (although any amount of depression is too long!). This dynamic nature means that when my emotions are in hibernation, I can at least remember, fairly recently, what it was like to have them working.

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Descent Into Hell

January 17, 2012 Leave a comment

Between thirteen and fifteen (1981-1983) I had my first mood swings. My first depression was hardly noticeable, but during my first mania all hell broke loose. I would wake up in the middle of the night feeling like I would tear myself apart unless I did something, but I didn’t know what to do. I was so sexually excited so that I would masturbate five times or more in a row. I started to view myself as unhuman. I was apart from the rest of the human race.
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January 17, 2012 Leave a comment

So, to cut this as short as possible, today I am on Divalproex, Lithium (another mood stabilizer), and Modecate (an anti-psychotic).

My two psychiatrists (the first one retired) have been godsends. They have led me out of hell. My first diagnosis was schizoaffective disorder, but my second psychiatrist changed it to bipolar disorder (I think perhaps because I was so worried about that prefix “schizo”). I get extremely hung-up on labels, but its not a good thing.

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