Home > adoption, family, sex, stigma > Whatever Happened to Jake…

Whatever Happened to Jake…

Jake, as you may remember is the boy I fostered for a month and tried to adopt. He had been terribly neglected and abused by his mother and other caregivers.

One of Jake’s big problems was that he couldn’t be left alone with other children because he would sexually assault them. He saw his own neglect and sexual assault as a liberating experience and he wanted to “liberate” other children. Nothing could convince him that this thinking was wrong.

One of the features of the average foster home is the presence of other children, and therefore one of the advantages of my home (with my husband and I) was the absence of other children. We were literally Jake’s last chance before a group home (and his last chance at a normal environment). We came to accept the fact that we were usually last on the list. At least we were on the list.

Unfortunately, there were a number of other circumstances. Jake’s mother still had a lot of say in his life and she insisted that he go to a Catholic school (which are publicly funded here in Ontario). My husband and I are two gay men, so we are unusually sensitive to even the appearance of sexual impropriety with regards to children. Jake had already made several scenes in public that we were kidnapping him.

When Jake started sexually assaulting his male classmates all my husband and I saw were fingers pointing back at us. My husband, who is Catholic, also had all that guilt to deal with because it was happening in a Catholic school. We made a mutual decision that we couldn’t go forward with Jake.

Unfortunately, once we gave Jake back we were no longer entitled to have any part in his life. Nevertheless, there is a website in Ontario for hard to place children and Jake was soon on it. I watched him for a year before I couldn’t look any longer. Giving Jake up is the biggest regret of my life.

  1. April 18, 2012 at 10:52 am

    I just checked the website and several years later, Jake is still there. We could have been a family and I could have helped him.

    • April 18, 2012 at 11:55 am

      So sorry. I am absolutely sure you and your husband would have been the best family for Jake. I must be so hard for you to see that he’s still doesn’t have a family knowing that you had to give him up due to all the bullshit of this stupid society. My heart goes to you and to Jake.

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