I know these status reports aren’t as interesting as the true confessions.

I am writing this post at 3:16am and I’m not tired. I’ve been working for the last few hours. If I’m depressed I’m definitely not showing many symptoms except the occasional fatigue, which can also be explained by my lack of sleep. Every once in a while my limbs will get heavy, or I’ll get “stuck” mentally. These are definitely depression symptoms, but they are sporadic. Am I “in between” manic and depression, or are the meds just doing their job?

Today for a few seconds I had very loud music playing where there was none. Luckily my doctor is increasing my next dose of Modecate (the anti-psychotic I take) by 1.5 times. I’m on a three week schedule for my injections, however, so I have to wait until next Monday.

I can say with certainty that my lactose problems are a thing of the past, for now. I basically eat all the hard cheese I want with lactose-free milk and soy milk and I take lactase pills when I need to (mostly when I’m eating out). I haven’t had an upset stomach in weeks. This is instead of having to avoid any dairy (even lactose-free or fortified soy) entirely, which was caused by the Perphenazine. What makes me angry is that my pharmacist swore up and down that there was no lactose in the Perphenazine even when I showed her the evidence from Google. Then I discovered with my doctor that many, if not all, anti-psychotic meds in solid pill form use lactose as a binder. I’m just very lucky Divalproex doesn’t use lactose for some reason (and that the lithium I take is in capsules).

It’s like the time I asked a pharmacist (not my regular one) to recommend cold medication for me. The meds I was on at the time were incompatible with most cold medications. He confidently pulled a box of the shelf and I bought it–and I got so sick from taking it. I was absolutely out of my mind delirious from it. These people make off-hand decisions without seeming to understand that they are playing with people’s lives. Often their attitude when you have concerns is dismissive (my psychiatrist is never dismissive, my GP is sometimes, but my pharmacist certainly is often).

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