Home > bipolar, depression, meds, self-harm, work > The Darkness is Sneaking Up

The Darkness is Sneaking Up

Things aren’t going too badly, actually. I can tell I’m depressed in dozens of little ways (with fatigue being a big way) but I’m only a little bit down in the dumps and my concentration is still okay. One day I was a little despondent in the morning, but after a day of hard work I felt great. It’s still early in the cycle, but I can hope things won’t get much worse.

The last depression was pretty serious, but I was also going through a very tough time (I literally had no money). My situation is much better this time (I have a good job), so I’ll see what difference that makes.

I know I keep saying this, but without the meds I would be harming myself and doing all kinds of awful things. I would be so incapable of doing anything it would be like being in a trance, or having an out-of-body experience. These days things never get like that. Even if I think of suicide in the coming weeks, I know I am still so much better off than I used to be. The situation never gets totally hopeless.

I won’t comment on the depression again unless it gets remarkably better, or remarkably worse.

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