Home > bipolar, depression, low, symptoms, work > I am Depressed Again

I am Depressed Again

Please remember that a bipolar person’s mood shifts regardless of whether he is happy or sad, or what is going on in his life.

I am now officially depressed. I can tell because I slept for about twelve hours so far today. I slept a long time yesterday, too, but more on and off. I’ve been having an increasingly difficult time concentrating in the past few days, too. Mostly because of apathy. I am not sad, yet, but that will come.

I think in the middle of last week I reached the peak high. I wasn’t sleeping at all, and I had a hard time concentrating because there was so much I wanted to do that I couldn’t keep focused on one thing.

The current good period started at the beginning of December and it lasted until (let’s say) January 15th. Approximately 45-46 days.

The depression before that started on approximately October 15th (I remember the day). Again, approximately 45-46 days.

According to this blog, I had a month-long low ending at the end of June. I don’t remember the details. It is possible I had a high time from then until October.

My doctor asks me repeatedly to keep a mood chart, but I am terrible at doing it. My ups and downs do not follow a pattern anyway.

I do know that generally my mood swings have been far more rapid in recent years and far less extreme, which is a good thing. It means I spend a lot more time in the “in between” states and less time on the extremes. Also, a depression in 2012 and a depression in 2001 are entirely different experiences. A 2012 depression is much more like an inconvenience than a trip into hell. In 2001, a depression would last for six months and I would spends months in the hellish extreme state. The same was true for mania.

Believe it or not, I think I am so fortunate these days. I am very grateful things are the way they are.

Obviously I wish I was healthy, but when you have an incurable disease you have to come to terms with the fact that you never will be healthy, and you have to deal with what you’ve got left. If they come up with a miracle cure some day, great. I’ll be first in line for the human trials.

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  1. January 22, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    I’m so sorry. I can relate. My shifts are not quite the same, mostly depression for a long time then spikes of hypomania, but I feel for you. I hope this one doesn’t last too long.

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