Home > bipolar, depression > Things are not well…

Things are not well…

The meds are working at about 75%. I keep revising that figure downwards as things get worse.

I was supposed to do 40 hours of work from home during the past two weeks, and I would have been paid enough to live very comfortably for the month. Tomorrow is the last day, and I’ve accomplished nothing. Therefore, no money.

I can’t concentrate, no matter what I do. I kept lying that I was working, hoping to eventually get caught up, but now tomorrow is the deadline and I am going to be exposed.

I made up my will, at least. I don’t want really to die, although it doesn’t bother me. We could use the insurance money, I guess. Although I’m not sure the insurance will pay out if I kill myself, and if I make it look like an accident putting this paragraph in my blog is really asking for trouble.

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  1. November 4, 2011 at 3:19 am

    Hello – fellow bipolar here.

    You’re right, they won’t pay out, so please don’t use that as a rationale for taking the exit route.

    No matter how huge it might seem in your head, your brain is overloading: a deadline you didn’t make is not a rational reason for killing yourself either.

    The stress of lying about your work situation will undoubtedly be making things worse for you; the meds aren’t magic.

    First of all, I think you need to come clean to work so you can get that stress burden off your shoulders, and then talk to your doctor about the medication and how it’s not working for you. Hopefully he/she should be talking to you about other factors in your life that could be affecting your mood as well.

    And tell all of this to your husband, and maybe your parents as well. A problem shared may not be a problem halved, but it certainly helps to alleviate the stress. You’re not on your own.

  2. November 4, 2011 at 10:18 pm

    Thank you so much for your response.

    I did send a brief but complete email to work today apologizing and explaining to them why I didn’t get my work done. They are actually aware of my bipolar status, although I try never to use it as an excuse for anything. They wrote me back this afternoon and told me a delay was acceptable.

    I have an appointment with my doctor on Friday, which is the soonest I can get to see him. The issue of depression is going to be my main priority, although I’m not sure that the meds can get any better (as you said, they are not magic). What I need to do is start taking the other advice from several sources that I have been ignoring, like getting exercise.

    Also, I did tell my husband what was going through my mind yesterday, although not in the nicest way. I did at least tell him.

    I really appreciate your concern and your response. šŸ™‚

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