Home > bipolar, meds, side-effects, symptoms > My Brain is a Broken Machine…

My Brain is a Broken Machine…

As soon as I think I understand what’s going on everything changes.

For the past two nights when I have tried to sleep my dreams have been like broken computer programs stuck in endless loops. I know my train of dream thinking has gone wrong, and I find that very distressful, but I can’t stop thinking over and over again. It is absolute hell so that when I finally woke up at 3:30 there was no way I could go back to sleep.

It’s like there’s a certain sequence of thoughts that you have to think, but some of them are faulty, so you always get the wrong result. The fact that things are wrong makes you feel bad, but you can’t stop thinking them over and over again.

When I’m awake, my brain has to jibe itself with reality and this kind of thing never happens. Everything is fine. But when I sleep my brain has no external point of reference, so it often goes haywire. I think sertraline fixes this situation, but of course I recently stopped taking it because I can’t afford it right now.

Update: I forgot that I was taking cold medication (Advil). I cleared it first with my pharmacist, but nevertheless as soon as I suspected it was a problem I stopped taking it. Within two days my dreams were tolerable again.

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